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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?